Editor’s note: OFJCC President and CEO Zack Bodner had the privilege of addressing the Leslie Family Preschool Class of 2021 on May 30, 2025 as they marked the end of their preschool years and journey forward. Please find Zack’s speech below.

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Welcome to the class of 2025! Congratulations on making it through your preschool years. If you’ve made it this far, and it only gets easier from here. Right, parents?

It’s wonderful to have you all with us today. So many people have made this possible – and I don’t just mean this wonderful celebration. I mean the last few years of your family’s Jewish Journey.

You, kids—and your families—have played with teachers in the classroom, administrators in the front office, helpers on the playground, as well as song leaders, master gardeners, counselors, therapists, and so many others. This has been a community effort—but we have loved every minute of it, because you are our family.

And here you are, about to go off into the “real world,” so I want to send you off with something special. Each year, I give the graduating class a few words of advice that will hopefully help them in their journey.

And today, I’d like to encourage you with these words: BE BRAVE.

I know, I know—easier said than done, right? But seriously – if you can summon your courage, you can do anything. And I don’t just mean jumping out of airplanes—yeah, I’ve done that—but for you, I am talking about really scary stuff, like …

Have you ever gone to a new school or joined a new classroom and been scared that no one was going to like you? Well, guess what: Everyone else felt the same way—and you ended up making friends, right? So, BE BRAVE.

Have you ever had to get a shot from the doctor for some medicine, and been worried that it was going to hurt? Well, the shot didn’t really hurt so much; it’s just the anticipation leading up to it that’s scary. So, BE BRAVE.

Have your parents ever asked you to try a new food, and you thought it looked sooooooo gross, there was no way you were going to be able to do it? Well, guess what: if you don’t like it, you can just spit it out; it won’t hurt you. So, BE BRAVE.

To quote a former US President, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” President FDR said that when our country was having a very hard time [in the Great Depression.]

Yes, the world can be a scary place. But worrying about things we can’t control, things our leaders do, for example, is not worth it. And the anxiety leading up to things that may or may not happen is also not worth it. You can make yourself crazy for no reason. Trust me—I’ve done this to myself before…

Once, there was this time when I was sitting quietly by myself, I felt something tickling my leg and I looked down and it was a spider crawling on me, and I went AHHHH! But it was just a little spider, and it would have been easy to gently flick it away. But then the next time I was sitting quietly and felt a tickle on my leg, I jumped up and freaked out! And guess what: it was just a flower, rustling in the breeze. So, I felt really silly.

There was no need for me to be scared. It was my fear of the fear that got to me. So now the next time I feel a tickle on my leg, I’ll calmly look down and approach the situation with curiosity and courage.

So, that is my blessing for you today: Go forth in life with curiosity. Greet each new day with awe, wonder, and hopefulness. And remember: BE BRAVE!

Congratulations Class of 2025!

Like most non-observant Jews—which means “like most Jews in the world”—I don’t usually observe Tisha B’Av. But this year, I plan to do so.

If you’re unfamiliar with this holiday, it’s an annual commemoration of all the worst events in Jewish history, piled into one day – the ninth of Av. Jews believe on this day, both the first and second Temples were destroyed, the Bar Kochba revolt against the Romans was defeated, Jews were expelled from England on this day in the 13^th century, the Spanish Inquisition began in the 15^th century, World War I started on this date, and Jews began to be deported from the Warsaw Ghetto on this date during World War II. According to Chabad, the ninth of Av “is the saddest day on the Jewish calendar, on which we fast, deprive ourselves and pray.”

Whether or not all these events actually occurred on this date in history doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we have a real date on which to dump all our shared trauma. It’s incredibly important for a group of people with a common history and shared destiny to have a day in which they can collectively mourn all the tragedies that have befallen them. To keep memory alive, we can’t just celebrate the good times; we must honor the bad times as well. Plus, psychologically, it’s healthy to regularly purge one’s sorrow.

Despite these benefits, I don’t recall having observed Tisha B’Av myself in the past. Indeed, when I wrote my book “Why Do Jewish?” I included a section on holidays and even then, I didn’t choose Tisha B’Av as the holiday to celebrate this time of year. (I chose Tu B’Av, which is like the Jewish or Israeli “Valentine’s Day instead.) But this year, I’m reconsidering that recommendation for the following reasons.

First, Israel is on the brink of an all-out war with Iran, and I’m fasting with the hope that it doesn’t happen. They’re already at war with Iran, but it’s being fought through proxies in Gaza, Lebanon, Syria, the West Bank, etc. If Iran decides to go all-in, it will be very ugly, many people will be hurt and killed, and I fear for friends and family who live in Israel.

Second, Israel still has over 100 of its citizens being held hostage by Hamas. I’m fasting with the hope that they will be returned soon and that their lives and their families’ lives can resume and the healing can begin. Because until then, all those people are stuck in purgatorial limbo.

Third, antisemitism is skyrocketing around the globe. The situation on college campuses last year was a disaster and I don’t expect it will be better this year; in fact, I fear it will trickle down to high schools and middle schools. So, I am fasting with the hope that the world will stop engaging in the oldest form of hate and that the situation, in particular for our kids, will improve.

Finally, the internal divisions among the Jewish People are as worrisome as they’ve ever been. Within Israel, the animosity of many citizens toward their elected leadership is at a boiling point. In the Diaspora, especially in North America, the split between those who are full-threadedly supporting Israel and those engaging in a different way, is red-hot. So, I am fasting with the hopes that these divisions can also be healed soon.

This year, I plan to fast for Tisha B’Av out of sense of mourning as much a sense of hope. I may also say a prayer or two. Care to join me?

“You flew thousands of miles just to give us a hug. That’s what gives us strength. The Jewish People are family—that is our superpower.”

These were the words spoken by Danny, the father of Israeli hostage Omri Miran, when he spoke to our group traveling on a Ramah Solidarity and Service trip to Israel this week when we asked where he finds the strength to keep up his hopefulness every day.

Not every moment on my recent trip was filled with this much optimism. Indeed, the trip was as heart-breaking as it was soul-filling.

We cried at the Nova site when we went to bear witness to the hundreds of memorials created by the families of the victims. We were overwhelmed when we visited the bus stop-bomb shelter from where Hirsch Goldberg-Polin was kidnapped after 28 people were murdered there. Our hearts broke at the Car Cemetery, where we saw over 1,500 burned out cars, stacked up in piles like the shoes in Auschwitz, each with its own story. We felt the pain of every family member when we made the pilgrimage to Har Herzl, Israel’s Arlington, which is once again an active cemetery with new graves dug almost every day for Israel’s greatest generation.

We rolled up our sleeves, as we made meals for soldiers at a teaching kitchen in Tel Aviv that transitioned its purpose after Oct. 7. We were humbled as we helped serve a barbecue dinner for soldiers on an army base alongside a group of Israeli volunteers who do this multiple times a week at a different base each time. We felt useful when we picked 1.5 tons of grapes at a farm because all the field workers were called up to serve in the military. We were grateful to be of service when we packed food in Netivot, a city in the Western Negev (often referred to as the Gaza Envelope), for families in the surrounding area.

We gave hugs, as we came to show solidarity to families of hostages, as well as families of soldiers and civilians who were killed, and listened to their unbearable stories. We were emotional when we took pictures at Hostage Square, where art installations stand alongside meeting tents for hostage families, demanding we “bring them home now.” We felt good spending money at Café Café Otef, a pop-up coffee/chocolate shop run by the members of Kibbutz Re’im to sell products from the kibbutzim that were devastated on Oct. 7.

There is no way to thoroughly encapsulate these experiences, but there is one story I want to share. After Omri’s father, Danny, learned that his son had been kidnapped, he came to Tel Aviv from where he lives three hours north. Danny didn’t know what to do—he just knew he had to be around other families who knew the hell he was living in, so he just showed up at Hostage Square. He was sleepwalking, unable to wake from his nightmare, and a stranger approached him on the square and asked him where he was staying for the night. Danny said he didn’t have a place to stay so the stranger invited him to stay at his place. Danny politely declined but the stranger insisted, so Danny reluctantly accepted.

Three hours later, the stranger came back to the square to find Danny because he knew that Danny wouldn’t really take him up on his offer. Danny said he would, but he still didn’t go. Later that night, the stranger came back and finally took Danny in his car to his apartment. He brought him up to his flat and handed Danny the key, telling him he would stay with his sister so Danny could have his own space.

Danny looked around at the beautiful home, saw the expensive art on the walls and the nice things on the shelves, and joked, “As soon as you leave, I’m taking all this nice stuff, putting it in a car, and driving away with it.”

The stranger smiled and said, “You have the key. Do with it as you please. My home is your home.”

After a few days, the stranger learned that Danny couldn’t sleep because he liked to fall asleep with the TV on and there was no TV in the bedroom. So, the owner went and bought a tv and installed it in the bedroom. Danny stayed in the flat for three months, and now these former strangers refer to each other as brothers.

It didn’t matter whether these two men shared the same politics or not. Neither one asked if they had the same religious beliefs. It was simple: “My home is your home.”

That’s Israel: unbelievable generosity mixed with dark humor; shared trauma creating unbreakable connections. That’s what gives strength to those on the front lines. That’s at the heart of the resilience of Israel. That’s the superpower of the Jewish People.

There is no way to fully do justice to these encounters. It’s impossible to convey the depth of connection you feel with the people. My hope is that you can just make the trip to Israel and experience it yourself. Until then, the OFJCC will continue to make our home your home.

Am Yisrael Chai.

Now I know folks are complaining a lot these days; they’re quick to criticize.

They’re saying it’s the end of Pax Americana, and they start to eulogize.

But let’s stop with the doom and gloom, and take a moment to recognize

That America’s artistic talents transform the world before our eyes.

It starts with an eternal optimism; we call it the American dream.

With no caste system or royal family, anyone can join the team.

We’re made up of all types of folks, including the crop of the cream.

There’s a place for everyone here, especially those who swim upstream.

Built by immigrants and dreamers, it’s the original melting pot.

From steamer boats to covered wagons, they came to claim their spot.

This new world birthed something special, from the talents each one brought.

As Lin-Manuel Miranda sang, “They didn’t throw away their shot.”

We are called the “land of opportunity,” of that I’m sure you know.

It’s a laboratory for creativity, encourages artistic genius to grow.

Especially for those who break the mold and hate the status quo,

Like Ralph Waldo Emerson, Harper Lee, and Maya Angelou.

The infinite possibilities here birthed a literary well-spring.

Capote and Fitzgerald, Raymond Chandler and Stephen King,

JD Salinger the recluse, and Hemingway in the boxing ring,

They invented a new type of writing and paved the way for other things.

Like American photographers, whose incredible talent was brought to light.

Visionaries like Ansel Adams captured images in black and white.

And others came along, who were blessed with unique sight

Like Annie Leibovitz and Richard Avedon, coaxing stars out from the night.

Jasper Johns painted Old Glory and Albert Bierstadt our beautiful home,

With soaring landscapes, golden vistas, bluffs, and flowering brome.

From the Grand Canyon to the Colorado River, where the deer and the antelope roam.

The majesty of the Rocky Mountains, and the bison in Yellowstone.

Iconic images were immortalized by painters who came along,

Like James Whistler’s famous mother who stares off all day long,

While Thomas Cole shows an empire crumbling when leaders get it wrong.

Hopper, O’Keeffe, and Rockwell’s art each sing a perfect song.

Then there’s Jackson Pollack, Andy Warhol, and Roy Lichtenstein,

Inventors of a whole new style, put American pop-art on the scene.

Along with David Hockney and Peter Blake, and the colorful Keith Haring.

Their images overflow with energy like a hundred cups of caffeine.

They came after European masters, and improved on what came before

Because that’s the American way – to stand upon the shore

And look out on the infinite horizon and imagine what to explore.

If you can envision something new, it may not be a dream anymore.

American artistic talent wasn’t limited to a canvas or a pane.

Ben Franklin captured lightning, and Edison’s bulbs lit up our brain.

Alexander Graham Bell’s phone carried our voices over the plain.

While Ford invented the motor car, and the Wright Brothers gave us the plane.

The radio and phonograph brought forth music from the dark

And allowed the world to hear the greats, who’ve uniquely left their mark.

Jazz giants Ella Fitzgerald and Miles Davis lit the spark

Then Louis Armstrong and John Coltrane set a new benchmark.

So did Elvis, Sinatra, and Bob Dylan, who came along the way,

Followed by Madonna, Prince, and Taylor Swift, and of course, Beyonce.

Don’t forget the king of pop, the moonwalking, Thriller MJ.

They’re all just like the Boss himself, Born in the USA.

American art can inspire you, like a lightning bolt from Zeus.

Creating sublime joy, heartfelt tears, or laughter it may induce,

Especially if it’s from stand-up comics like Amy Schumer or Lenny Bruce.

While Eddie Murphy and Kevin Hart always know how to cut loose.

Great American comedians like George Carlin and Mel Brooks

Were funny and irreverent too, generating nasty looks.

While Carl Reiner and Jerry Seinfeld never held us on tenterhooks.

Clearly American humor will go down in the history books.

Along with Hollywood for producing the movie industry,

From Orson Welles to Stanley Kubrick, Coppola and Scorsese.

Whether Spielberg or George Lucas, or the incomparable Spike Lee.

Cohen Brothers and Tarantino flicks are my favorite ones to see.

The artists in front of the camera, created characters to be seen.

Brando’s Godfather, Bogart’s Rick, and the Rebel, young James Dean

Along with leading ladies like Marilyn, formerly Norma Jeane.

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers danced as the raindrops fell between.

And our athletes are artists of a different sort, so we hold our heads up high

When Lebron dunks, Serena aces, and Air Jordan touches the sky.

There was no denying it when Babe Ruth or Jackie Robinson let one fly.

Sandy Koufax was a baseball legend, while proudly wearing his chai.

American artists of today are rewriting everybody’s fates.

They’re modern prophets like Steve Jobs and Microsoft’s Bill Gates.

Turning closed doors into Windows through which everyone communicates.

Expanding the artistic legacy of the great United States.

Yeah, America isn’t perfect, but our creative genius has helped me realize

That transcendent beauty and provocative art, we must immortalize.

So, thank you for giving me a moment, and not for rolling your eyes

To share my pride, brag a bit, and even evangelize.

In the land of the free and the home of the brave, this I know you’ve heard:

Everyone’s created equal here, so no endeavor will be deterred.

The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, no dream shall be deferred.

That’s why when I sing America the Beautiful, my heart is always stirred.

This country is not just my home, it’s an idea, an aspiration.

Spurred on by visionary artists, who keep me fueled with inspiration.

So, join me in raising a glass today, filled with your favorite libation.

On this Fourth of July, I want to say, happy birthday to my nation.

This summer, the New York Times ran a full-page, front-section article entitled, “If Loneliness Is an Epidemic, How Do We Treat It?” The authors wrote, “More than one-fifth of Americans over 18 say they often or always feel lonely or socially isolated.” And they went on to quote Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, who said, “Addressing the crisis of loneliness and isolation is one of our generation’s greatest challenges.”

The good news is we have the antidote! The OFJCC is inoculating our community against this epidemic. We are addressing this challenge one person at a time, one day at a time, one program at a time. That’s the sacred responsibility we have here at the OFJCC 365 days of the year. And it’s working—like it did with Diane.

When Diane moved to our area just before the pandemic, she didn’t know anyone here. Other than seeing her husband, who was living in a facility for aging adults, and her son’s family occasionally, she did nothing to get out of her house. She was not working out. She was not hanging out. She was not doing much of anything but getting by. But then she came to the JCC for one of our arts programs, and it “allowed her to rejoin the world.”

Diane now comes to plays and musical performances, and she goes on trips with us regularly. She said she never signed up to do anything by herself before coming to the JCC, but now she does it often—and enjoys it!

By helping people like Diane make friends here at the OFJCC, we are giving them a way to connect, which is one of the most crucial needs that everyone has in life. But it’s not just adults who need this connection; kids need it too—kids like Soren, who desperately craved a sense of belonging.

Soren’s parents told us that their family had been through two of the most difficult years in their lives. They had experienced job loss, a cross-country move, selling their family home after 13 years, the loss of a family member to COVID, mental health challenges and Soren moving between four different schools within two years. Summer came at a crucial moment when Soren was “irritable, addicted to his screen, and missing his friends from across the country.” They were unsure about whether Maccabi Sports Camp would be right for Soren, but sure enough, by the end of the summer, it became Soren’s “favorite place.”

Soren’s parents told us that the OFJCC’s Maccabi Sports Camp “blew away all [their] expectations!” They said Soren came back “transformed” – no longer “a moody kid who didn’t want to go outside, he became kinder and more generous.” They appreciated the “values, the safety, and the connection,” and are grateful for what we did “for [their] entire family.”

Connection, community and a sense of belonging are some of the ways to combat loneliness. Whether you come to the JCC to exercise with a trainer or do yoga with a group of friends; whether you come to take a class or have an Israeli experience in Hebrew; whether you drop your kids off at the Leslie Family Preschool and say hi to another parent or grab a coffee from the Nourish Café; whether you come to see a show or schmooze with a neighbor; we promise you will find your friends here.

The aforementioned New York Times article says that the medical system can’t fix the epidemic of loneliness but quotes the Surgeon General who suggests one solution could be “…beefing up community organizations that bring neighbors together.”

We couldn’t agree more! So, if you’re inclined to heed the words of our Surgeon General and would like to help “beef up” this community organization, please email me. We would love your help transforming the lives of more people like Diane and Soren. Together with your support, we can do our part to help end the Loneliness Epidemic.

Editor’s note: OFJCC President and CEO Zack Bodner had the privilege of addressing the Leslie Family Preschool Class of 2021 on May 28, 2021 as they marked the end of their preschool years and journey forward. Please find Zack’s speech below.

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Welcome, Leslie Family Preschool Class of 2021! It’s a joy see you all here. This past year has been a challenge. It hasn’t been easy. We have had to wear masks, we’ve had to cancel travel plans, and we’ve stayed inside a lot.

But now that more people are getting vaccines, and we are seeing COVID rates going down, this is a time to celebrate and be happy. And what better way to do that than by smiling more?

Friends, that is my message to you today: Smile more.

Even if you’re wearing a mask, when you smile more, people can see your eyes crinkle up and they know you’re smiling.

Even if you’re on Zoom, when you smile more, people can see that you’re happy.

When you smile more, you make new friends more easily.

When you smile more, you feel more optimistic about life.

When you smile more, your body makes chemicals that make you feel more relaxed and helps your body fight disease.

When you smile more, it’s contagious! Kind of like yawning … you ever notice how when you yawn, you can make others yawn too?! Well, the same with smiling: if you smile at someone, you can make them smile too!

When you recognize things that make you happy and smile about them, you see more of the good in life. There is an old Jewish teaching called “hakarat hatov” – recognizing the good. It’s an attitude in life. It’s like if you lose your keys to your house, you have to think: well at least I have a house! That’s ‘seeing the good.’ That’s hakarat hatov. And that attitude has to make you smile more.

Graduating preschoolers, this is where you have something to teach the grownups. Some say that adults smile around 40 times a day, while children smile hundreds of times a day!

Preschoolers, you adapted brilliantly to your changing environment over the last year. Educators, you brought out the best in everyone. And parents, your partnership is what made it all possible. That is resilience in action.

Graduating preschoolers, you will be entering the next phase in your lives: kindergarten. It is a time to reflect back on your years at the Leslie Family Preschool and the beautiful memories you’ve made here. We hope you’ll stay part of the community here. We hope that you’ll come to swim in the pool, play on the Oasis Play Space, take a jog around the field, attend a great family event or say hello to an old teacher. We’ll be waiting for you … with a smile.

Thank you and congratulations!

As we celebrate President’s Day Weekend, I cannot overstate the importance of strong, reliable, trustworthy leadership. As we have battled COVID for the past year, we have oscillated between trusting our leaders and doubting them. From the highest levels of government in our country to our local medical officers charged with implementing the laws in each county, we have alternated between faith and frustration, hope and exasperation, willingness to follow and the need to protest. Jewish tradition is filled with stories of strong leaders who make all the difference in times of crisis. Moses led the Israelites from slavery but they continued to worry, doubt, and question him all along the way. Nevertheless, his incomparable leadership kept them united through forty years of wandering in the desert. Joshua had to lead in Moses’ footsteps, no easy task, but he embraced the transition of power, defeated Israel’s enemies and led the people into the Promised Land. On this President’s Day Weekend, let’s hope that as we transition to new leadership in the US, we will ushered into a Promised Land free from COVID in the very near future.

As we begin a new year, it is a tradition to take stock of the last year, reflect on what we did well and what we would like to improve, and set some goals for ourselves for the coming year.  In that spirit, I humbly offer a week-by-week guide for us parents who aspire to teach our kids how to be little mensches. And if by some chance these are lessons you’d like to embrace as well, then I hope you do!  So here you have it, a lesson a week. Shana Tova U’metukah – to a sweet and happy new year.

1. Live by The Golden Rule – For starters, of course don’t do anything you wouldn’t want anyone else to do to you, but take it one step further and don’t do anything you’d be (oy) embarrassed for your mother to find out about!
2. Leave it better than you found it – Essentially, repair the world; whether that’s the place where you camped out or had a picnic, or the ozone layer, leave it better than you found it, for your kids’ sake.
3. Try your hardest – Winston Churchill said, “Never ever give up.” It may not be necessary to never give up, but before you do, you must try your hardest.
4. Know where you came from – Learn your family’s history, culture, customs, stories, food, etc., ideally from a living relative but also from books and movies and museums.
5. Give generously – Whether it’s tzedakah or a gift for a friend, don’t hold back; give audaciously.
6. Accept a gift – You’re doing a mitzvah when you let others give, so accept it with grace and let them be the mensch sometimes.
7. Respect authority and boundaries – Parents, grandparents, teachers and those who make the rules are there to keep things in order, so listen to them.
8. Know when to push back against authority and boundaries – Sometimes rules are meant to be broken, like when leaders become dictators and autocrats and in those cases we must rise up; also, it’s good to test those boundaries sometimes to always keep those leaders in check.
9. Win with grace – No one likes their faced rubbed in a loss so don’t do it; stand up and shake the other team’s hand.
10. Lose with grace – You aren’t always going to win so don’t take your ball and go home, or no one will want to play with you next time; stand up and shake the other team’s hand.
11. Get back up after falling down – Have a growth mind set; it’s ok to fail, treat those times as learning opportunities so pick yourself up, brush yourself off and try again.
12. Be the protector when necessary – Stand up for yourself and the ones you love, especially those who can’t stand up for themselves, like your little siblings, and stand up for your values too.
13. Let down your guard sometimes – Often it’s light that enters through the cracks so let yourself be vulnerable and open yourself up, even if that means getting hurt sometimes.
14. Make a good meal – Pick one meal that you can knock out of the park and make it for your loved ones from time to time; and make sure it’s more sophisticated than Mac & Cheese.
15. Pick up the check – It’s nice to be able to treat people so pay for meal at a restaurant when you can.
16. Open the door for your date – Chivalry is not dead, and show your date you know that by making her/him feel like the queen.
17. Greet someone properly – Look them in the eye, shake their hand, tell them your name and make sure you remember theirs.
18. Offer an outstretched hand – Even if you’re not sure someone needs help, offer it because they may be faking it to save face and you could really be saving them.
19. Take an outstretched hand – You may not need it but if someone reaches out their hand to help you, take it anyway and you are likely to wind up better off.
20. Be a part of your community – We all need to belong to something and community can lift you up during the down times and give your life more meaning so join in and help it thrive.
21. Show gratitude – Learn how to thank people for the big and small things, and offer thanks to a higher power too, no matter what you think that looks like.
22. Make a sacrifice – Some things are more important than your own personal interests; that may be serving your country, moving cities for your partner’s job, or giving up something that you really want so your sibling can have it; self-sacrifice for the right cause is a noble trait.
23. Know when to walk away – Sometimes it’s not worth the fight, so swallow your pride and turn the other cheek.
24. Know when to not back down – Sometimes it is worth it, for one reason or another, and that’s when you need to fight for what’s right.
25. Apologize and make up – Sometimes the two hardest words to say are “I’m sorry,” but they can go a long way so make sure to say them when you need to (and sometimes even when you don’t), and really mean it.
26. Forgive – When someone else apologizes, accept their apology with grace; and even if they don’t apologize but you know they did something wrong, take the high road and still forgive them.
27. Take risks – Life is an adventure and to fully appreciate it, you need to get out there and try new things and push yourself beyond your comfort zone.
28. Say ‘no’ sometimes – Learn the difference between taking risks and doing stupid things that could have detrimental consequences; learn when to say when; and learn when enough is enough.
29. Listen when someone else says ‘no’ – Don’t ever force yourself on anyone when it comes to being intimate. If both partners aren’t on the same page, then stop.
30. Enjoy the good things in life – We were put here to enjoy life so enjoy it and help others enjoy it, that means enjoying good food and drink, good travel, good art, good music, good fun, and making good memories.
31. Do something nice for someone unexpectedly – Everyone likes a surprise when it’s done with love so do some of that sometimes and make someone smile.
32. Do what you love – If you follow your passion, then you’ll be able to make a living out of it and it will give you fulfillment beyond anything else.
33. Communicate your feelings – Talk about what’s on your mind, what you’re happy about or upset about, but just don’t bottle it up.
34. Know what’s going on in the world – Don’t be so self-absorbed that you can’t see beyond your own nose; read the paper, watch the news, pay attention to what is happening in the world.
35. Have big dreams – Think big, for yourself and the world, and do your part to make those dreams a reality.
36. Be patient – Not everything happens quickly, so take a deep breath and be patient and know that really good things are worth waiting for.
37. Know when not to be patient – If someone is stalling or stonewalling or if a window of opportunity might close, know when to push to make something happen.
38. Appreciate the moment – This very moment won’t every be here again so stop and take it all in and be present.
39. Make plans – Big things take time to bring to fruition so come up with a plan that you can execute on.
40. Pivot – Not everything always goes according to plan so sometimes you have to change course and try something different.
41. Let go – Don’t hold on to grudges or the way things used to be or past ways that have become destructive; be like Elsa and “let it go.”
42. Listen – When you join a conversation, spend the first few minutes listening to understand what is being discussed, and when you join a group (a team or board), spend the first several meetings listening to understand their culture and traditions.
43. Speak up – Don’t stand by forever holding your tongue; make your presence known by speaking your mind at the right time and choosing your words carefully; and if ever you see wrongs being committed, then always speak out.
44. Pamper those you love – Go out of your way to take care of your family and friends, going the extra mile to really make them feel special.
45. Give tough love sometimes – Not everyone always does the right thing and sometimes you have to show there are consequences for bad behaviors so be firm but fair, and teach a lesson with love.
46. Have an opinion – Stand for something; educate yourself and be willing to listen to various points of view, but then formulate your own opinion and learn how to defend it.
47. Open your mind – Be willing to let yourself be swayed; don’t get so dug into your position that you are deaf to good arguments and changes that happen to lead to new realities.
48. Accept those who are different from you – Not everyone has the same values, heritage, upbringing, etc., so embrace them and be more open-minded to different ways of living, but always remember who you are.
49. Be proud of your uniqueness – No one has ever been born who is you and no one ever will be, so embrace who you are, be proud of it, and love yourself.
50. Appreciate beauty – Whether it’s art, music, nature, architecture, literature, spirituality or any of the other things that make life beautiful, learn to appreciate them.
51. Take responsibility – Some things really are your fault so own that and don’t pawn it off to someone else.
52. Love unconditionally – Be willing to fall uncontrollably in love even if that means you could get hurt.

For our family vacation this summer, we chose to go back to discover our roots. We started in Poland, where the Ashkenazi side of the family could learn more about our past, and ended in Spain to explore our Sephardic heritage.

In each country, we captured images of castles and meandered through museums. We got lost wandering down ancient cobblestone streets and were guided through Jewish Quarters. We stood in countless churches, many of which used to be synagogues, and at least one synagogue that had been turned into a cafe. We flew on planes, rode trains, and drove through countrysides. We biked through Madrid, took a boat ride down the Canal de Alfonso XIII and even rode Segways in Sevilla.

It was a full trip of learning and exploring, but one of the most meaningful experiences was celebrating Shabbat in two locations with deep scars for the Jews: Krakow, Poland and Sevilla, Spain.

Poland was the epicenter of the worst crime committed against the Jews in the 20^th century, the Shoah; while Spain was the perpetrator of the Inquisition, which forced conversion, death and expulsion of Spanish Jews for nearly 400 years. It is still hard to believe 1834 was the year the Inquisition officially ended. (By the way, the first pogroms committed against Jews in Spain occurred in Sevilla in 1391, nearly 100 years before the official start of the Inquisition.)

OFJCC CEO Zack Bodner (right) with JCC Krakow Executive Director Jonathan Ornstein.

We enjoyed our first Shabbat at the JCC Krakow shoulder to shoulder with nearly 100 Jews from all over the world. The JCC Krakow has become the beating heart for a rebirth of Jewish life in Poland. Led by its visionary Executive Director, Jonathan Ornstein, and the help of funding by philanthropists like Tad Taube—profiled recently in J. The Jewish News of Northern California—the JCC Krakow hosts a Jewish preschool, a thriving Jewish arts program, the annual Ride for the Living bike ride from Auschwitz and weekly Shabbat dinners for hundreds of locals and visitors. The JCC Krakow is also a co-presenter of daily events for the world-famous Jewish Culture Festival in Krakow, which we had the good fortunate to attend as it was taking place during our visit.

On this particular evening, we sat at the Shabbat dinner tables crammed in alongside over 100 people, including eight Shoah survivors, families from all over the globe, kids from Camp Ramah, and a handful of regulars in their 20s and 30s who are part of the Ravi fan club. Ravi is the nickname given to Rabbi Avi Baumol, the spiritual leader of the local community who has started to build a following of millennials embracing their Jewish roots.

It was a beautiful evening. Ravi led us in the blessings; Jonathan offered some welcoming remarks; we sang songs; we ate and schmoozed; we heard a D’var Torah from a Polish woman in her 80s; we did the post-meal blessing; and then it was time for a once-a-year evening activity.

Because we were in Krakow as the Jewish Culture Festival was beginning, we had the opportunity to take part in a special pre-festival opening tradition. The synagogue filled up with anxious fans of over a dozen rabbis and cantors who were visiting Krakow from around the world. Sure enough, each leader approached the bimah, one by one, to perform for the crowd. They picked a favorite song, prayer or ‘negune’ (melody) and they began to sing into the microphone. They are the rock stars of their world, but because this impromptu congregation was made up of more non-Jews than Jews, the big sanctuary didn’t reverberate with more than a handful of voices joining in.

But halfway through each performance, a 94-year old Shoah survivor from the community jumped up and started to dance. I was struck by the realization that if this man, who has endured the worst evils in the world, is able to smile and dance, then surely anyone can. And I have to believe it’s witnessing the resurrection of Jewish life here in Poland that has given him back his smile.

We celebrated our second Shabbat in Sevilla, Spain. There is no JCC here and not even a hint of the rich Jewish life that once existed. There is a single Jewish tombstone representing the hundreds of years of vibrant Jewish life that was once here – but it’s displayed behind a glass wall deep in the bowels of a parking garage, which stands where the Jewish cemetery once did.

For this Shabbat, we chose to gather our family in the restaurant of the hotel where we stayed. In the beautiful open atrium, amidst other hotel guests, we came dressed in our Shabbat whites, donned our kipot, lit the candles, sang the blessings, and shared some wine and bread. The whole service didn’t last more than ten minutes, but the fact that we were celebrating publicly in this place was a powerful statement because in this place, Jews were for forced to disavow their Jewishness or live in the shadows for centuries. This is the place where crypto-Jews (known derogatorily as Moranos) practiced their Jewish rituals in secret for fear of death, and Conversos transformed their ancient Jewish rituals into masked Christian rituals, where being Jewish was a crime for 400 years!

One such ritual was the lighting of two candles every Friday night – to honor the Virgin Mary. Only centuries later and after much research, have these Conversos learned that this ritual, which has been passed down from grandmother to mother to daughter, is really the Jewish tradition of lighting Shabbat candles.

There was no Shoah survivor in Spain to celebrate with us. There is no Sephardic philanthropist funding the resurrection of Jewish life in Sepharad. And there is no annual Jewish culture festival celebrating hundreds of years of Jewish life there. However, I still had an important realization in Spain: As bad as things seem in the world today – fascist leaders, desperate refugees, emboldened terrorists, detained immigrants, etc. – we need to pause for a moment to appreciate how much better it is too. There is more clean water for more of the planet; more access to better education around the world; more acceptance of LGBTQ rights than ever before; and of course, more religious freedom – especially for Jews.

The fact that we can celebrate Shabbat with pride, in public, outside of the shadows in places like Poland and Spain, is a moment to embrace. This is a moment to be grateful for. This is a moment that will hopefully last forever. But today, I will honor it by saying the Shehechiyanu – a blessing of thanks for allowing me to live to see this moment.

What are you teaching your children?  I mean – what are you really teaching your kids?

As I focus on teaching Jewish values to my own kids, it is vital that Israel be one of them. I want my children to know Israel, support Israel, wrestle with Israel and love Israel. To me, this relationship is about familial love and respect, peoplehood and a shared sense of history, legacy and destiny. It’s even about inquiry and critical thinking. Israel is part of us. Part of that support means paying close attention to the Israeli elections, following SpaceIL’s lunar expedition and being at the largest gathering of pro-Israel activists in the world (outside of Israel) – which takes place at the AIPAC Annual Policy Conference.

I spent 14 years as the Pacific Northwest Regional Director for AIPAC, the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, and I want my kids to know that AIPAC exemplifies the very best of American citizenship.  Those who demonize AIPAC by claiming they “buy votes,” or vilify Israel supporters as having “dual loyalty,” place every single Jew in their cross-hairs with those anti-Semitic tropes, whether they’re an AIPAC supporter or not.  It is our democratic right as Americans to advocate for what we believe in, and our obligation as Jews to do so, and there is no single lobbying organization that does it better than AIPAC.

AIPAC is bipartisan, made up of progressives and conservatives; AIPAC does not endorse politicians (in the US or Israel); and AIPAC gives no money to politicians here or there.  AIPAC’s budget is actually teeny compared to other lobbies, ranked 147^th in spending behind even the American Association of Airport Executives!

But while AIPAC’s budget is small, it has a huge responsibility: ensuring America’s leaders stand with the only country in the Middle East that respects women and minorities’ rights, promotes religious freedom and freedom of the press, and protects free speech. Israel is far from perfect and its leaders are flawed, but can we honestly look at America and say our beloved country is any different?  Despite Israel’s imperfections, as the only Jewish State in the world, she deserves our support.

I decided it was time to show my 14-year old daughter about the magnificent and complicated politics of the U.S.-Israel relationship, so I brought her with me to the Annual AIPAC Policy Conference in DC. Before I tell you about this experience, let me tell you a bit about my daughter:

First, she loves doing Jewish stuff. She chooses to be a part of BBYO; she goes to Jewish summer camp; she is a part of the Jewish Teen Foundation; and if she weren’t so darn busy, she’d likely continue mentoring younger Jewish kids at our synagogue.

Second, she loves Israel.  Her grandparents on her mother’s side are Israeli; we have traveled to Israel with her nearly every summer since she was a baby; she speaks Hebrew; and at least as of now, she says she may want to follow one of her cousins and join the IDF after high school.  (We’ll see…)

Third, she has had a strong Jewish education. She spent her K-8 years at a Jewish day school; we do Shabbat dinner every Friday night so she knows the blessings, songs and stories; she chose to have a traditional Bat Mitzvah and, during her training, she learned how to chant Torah as well as lead the prayer service.

My daughter is now a freshman in high school, and for the first time since she was three years old, she’s not at a Jewish school.  She is confident in her Jewish identity and is confident in her love of Israel. But she’s not a little girl anymore.  She knows that Israel is not perfect – just as America isn’t perfect – so I am not worried that exposing her to the complexities will drive her away from Israel.  To the contrary – I hope it will give her a more mature love for this place we call our Homeland.

Because we live in the Bay Area, of course she’s been exposed to plenty of criticism of Israel.  And because of the nature of our family, we talk openly about these issues.  I don’t believe we do ourselves any service by brushing under the rug the less flattering side of Israel.  However, it was time for me to start digging in deeper with her, and the AIPAC Policy Conference was the perfect place to do just that.

Day One

It began as we were walking into the convention center and saw Orthodox Jews protesting against not just AIPAC but the existence of the State of Israel. They were standing near religious Christian fanatics who held signs claiming Jews killed Jesus and that we are going to hell.  She was surprised by the Christian protestors but she was really shocked that Jews would be advocating for the end of Israel. (Frankly, I was surprised not to see young Jewish kids from IfNotNow protesting this year.  I was ready to explain that situation to her, but was able to defer it until later in the day when it came up.)  I explained that the Neturi Karta sect of Orthodoxy doesn’t believe Israel should exist until the Messiah arrives.

At the opening plenary, we immediately heard from some big-name speakers who brought up some big-deal issues, like BDS.  We’d talked about BDS before, but now it seemed like she was hearing the term for the very first time.  So, it gave me a chance to explain to her about BDS, and how it was founded to end Israel as a Jewish State, making it an anti-Zionist and anti-Semitic movement.

We heard speakers condemning dual loyalty and other anti-Semitic tropes about Jews buying elections and political influence. I explained what each of these scurrilous attacks were and why they were so insidious. House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer reminded the crowd, “There are 62 freshman Democrats in the house, not three.” And Megan McCain declared, “Americans don’t support Israel because AIPAC is influential. AIPAC is influential because Americans support Israel.”

This conversation had added value because it prepared her for later in the day when a dear friend said that with Benjamin Ganz and Benjamin Netanyahu speaking at AIPAC this year, maybe the proper headline for the story should be: “It’s all about the Benjamins.” She laughed appreciatively at the joke.

She came to the session I led on Zionism 3.0 and with the questions from the audience, it led us to discuss public criticism of Israel.  She wondered, “How do you voice concern over Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians or Israel’s policies toward non-Orthodox Jews without adding fuel to the fire lit by Israel-haters?”  I shared with her my thoughts on how there is a proper way and an inappropriate way to criticize a partner.  I said, “You wouldn’t argue with your spouse behind closed doors then go out and call them names in public, would you?”

We talked about Bibi, the investigation, the upcoming election, and his political coalition.  She wondered how to support Israel’s democratically elected leadership even if they’re partnering with extremist political parties.  I explained that the nature of Israel’s coalition system means that any leader will always feel like they’re being held hostage at moments by the fringe minorities that only have a few seats but could topple the government by leaving the coalition at any moment.

At each of the major plenaries and many of the breakout sessions, people of different races, religions, and ethnicities spoke about their own respect for Israel and appreciation for AIPAC. And each time, when a speaker would say they weren’t Jewish, my daughter would be surprised.  She just assumed that all the speakers – no matter what they looked like – were Jewish.

This was a double-surprise for me. First, I was surprised that she didn’t understand why non-Jews would also love the Jewish State.  So, we discussed the reasons, though the speakers themselves did a better job of sharing their “why” than I could ever have.  Second, I was pleasantly surprised that she felt intuitively that Jews could be any color. She didn’t see an African American, Asian American, or Hispanic American and assume they weren’t Jewish; she assumed exactly the opposite (which made me very proud of how far the Jewish community has come in America).

In between sessions, we walked the halls with the 18,000 other attendees – including 4,000 students – and of course we both bumped into old friends.  She was a good sport every time I stopped to schmooze, but she even ran into friends from Camp Ramah and BBYO.

We ended the day in the AIPAC Village, where there is an enormous exhibition fair that takes up the entire footprint of the convention center. There are lounges, eating areas, and charging stations, but there are also organizations showing off what they do.  An innovation showcase shows off Israel’s inventions that are changing the world.  An actual Iron Dome battery stands 20 feet high in one corner, while an Israeli ambucycle stands in another. Virtual reality gives participants an opportunity to see Jerusalem, feel what it’s like to be a volunteer medic, and travel in time.  Booths show off Israeli tikkun olam work from SAHI, an organization that helps at-risk kids in Israel, to OneFamily, an organization that helps families of victims of terror, to IsraAID, an organization that sends relief workers around the globe to help in disaster areas.  My daughter signed up to volunteer for IsraAID.

Day Two

The day began with news of the rocket attack from Gaza and learning that Prime Minister Netanyahu had gone back to Israel. However, it seems that before he left, he had time to meet with President Trump, who signed a letter officially recognizing the Golan Heights as Israeli territory. This led to what became the major theme for the day: how do you applaud the right decision, even if it’s from the wrong decision-maker?

We heard from Vice President Mike Pence and asked each other: How do you honor the office and not the office-holder?  We heard from Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and my daughter wanted to know: How can she loathe Trump as a person and disagree with so many of his positions, but support his actions when it comes to Israel without compromising her good progressive credentials?

We had to decide whether to clap or not when certain speakers spoke.  We had to decide whether the stand or not when certain statements were made. We had to decide how we felt about the audience’s reaction to highly partisan statements. And in each case, we had to decide how to differentiate between the message and the messenger.

This led to more discussions: about our challenges with the UN, the extreme partisanization of Israel in America, and intersectionality. My daughter really wanted to know how we can partner with people and organizations that share an admirable, common goal, even while they’re willing to partner with other people and organizations that are anti-Semitic.  She wanted to know if it’s more effective to fight the fight from within, or fight from the outside – whether that’s the UN Human Rights Council or the British Labour Party. The questions over the course of the day became tougher, and I found the answers were becoming more and more nuanced.

When Senator Chuck Schumer spoke about his Jewish family and Jewish values in his thick New York accent, my daughter’s BBYO texting group lit-up with the kids’ commenting on how much they loved him.  She had to agree – he was definitely a crowd favorite – and not least because he was one of the only speakers willing to condemn anti-Semitism from the right and the left, declaring, “Those who are only willing to fight anti-Semitism when it comes from their political opponents are not actually fighting anti-Semitism at all.”

By far, the most formative experiences at the conference for my daughter came when we witnessed so many strong women proudly standing up for Israel and AIPAC.

• We saw a panel on the main stage with two women senators, one Democratic and one Republican, who were both veterans of the US military. Senators Tammy Duckworth and Martha McSally both proudly declared their support for Israel.
• We saw Ambassador Nikki Haley, who received the largest and longest-lasting standing ovation of any speaker, talk about her time at the UN and how much pride it gave her to stand with Israel in the face of all the criticism.
• We heard from the first openly bisexual Senator, Kyrsten Sinema, a Democrat from Arizona, who explained how it was an easy decision to vote against the Iran Deal when she was in the House, despite President Obama pressuring all the Democrats to vote with him.
• We heard from the woman who chairs the group “Labour Friends of Israel” in Britain, MP Joan Ryan, who bravely left the Labour party because of Jeremy Corbyn’s horrible anti-Semitism.
• At the breakout panel on “Feminism and Zionism,” we heard from four women: a Christian lesbian, a Mexican-Jew, an Ashkenazi woman from the Bay Area, and an African American woman. They were all so proud to be progressive feminists and Zionists.
• We met Amanda Berman, the founder of Zioness, and my daughter got to take a picture with her.

As we walked to the hotel room late last night, my daughter proclaimed to me that she wants to be an activist like those women when she grows up. She said that’s what she wants to do with her life, and I am not sure who beamed more proudly at that statement – her or me.

Lessons Learned

I learned several important lessons on this trip. First, I realized that as parents we can say things to our kids 1,000 times, but they will only actually hear it when it’s said by someone else.  We’d talked about half these issues before, but only when others mentioned them did she hear them for the first time. My sister-in-law says, “More gets caught than taught.” It’s one thing when we say something, but it’s another thing altogether when we do something. Bringing my daughter to AIPAC allowed her catch so much more than I could have ever taught her back home.

Second, I learned that perceptions really can change from one generation to the next. The way she sees the world around us is totally different than the way I do – and I’m not just talking about technology and social media. Her assumption that Jews really can be any race or ethnicity is visceral. My generation knows that of course, but I definitely wasn’t raised feeling it in my kishkas the way she does.

Finally, I learned that a father-daughter trip like this is priceless. I’ve been to 18 AIPAC Policy Conferences, but this was by far my favorite because of my company.  Enjoying three days together – and bonding over substantive issues and not just hanging out at a dude ranch (which is also cool) – was so special. I’m committing to bring her every year, if she’s up for it. And in a few years, when my son is a freshman, I’ll bring him too.

Judaism commands us to teach our children (Deuteronomy 6:7).  Teach them our values, our traditions and our stories.  Teach them where we come from and where we are going.  Teach them how to embrace and struggle with our Jewish identity.  Teach them why loving Israel is important, so they can figure out why it is meaningful for themselves.  My trip to the AIPAC Policy Conference this year did just that.